Life is simply fascinating.
To go from what feels like the bottom to what you know is the top. Is this how life works? I realize it's all what you make it. It only seemed like the bottom because that's what I told myself it was. but can I only say that now because those issues have resolved themself?
going in circles.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
why can't i get over it.
why can't i appreciate myself.
someone once said, or perhaps it was a fortune cookie, "it's better to be a first rate of yourself than a second rate of someone else."
i want this.
who am i and what am i doing.
i live as if i'm void, i pretend that i feel nothing. or perhaps i don't feel anything.
i miss feeling.
i miss touching.
i miss laughing.
wow. am i dramatic. again i find myself asking, who am i. what have i become, this doesn't feel like me.
why can't i appreciate myself.
someone once said, or perhaps it was a fortune cookie, "it's better to be a first rate of yourself than a second rate of someone else."
i want this.
who am i and what am i doing.
i live as if i'm void, i pretend that i feel nothing. or perhaps i don't feel anything.
i miss feeling.
i miss touching.
i miss laughing.
wow. am i dramatic. again i find myself asking, who am i. what have i become, this doesn't feel like me.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
It's that time again.
Plan:
14th Street Y, tomorrow to register
Walking:
8313
Food/Points:
Cereal with milk - 4.25 pts
Grapes - 3.528 pts
Ham Sandwich - 6.83 pts
2 Pretzels - 3 pts
14 Pringles - 1pt
1/2 Mot. and Tomato - 5.2
Total: 23.808
14th Street Y, tomorrow to register
Walking:
8313
Food/Points:
Cereal with milk - 4.25 pts
Grapes - 3.528 pts
Ham Sandwich - 6.83 pts
2 Pretzels - 3 pts
14 Pringles - 1pt
1/2 Mot. and Tomato - 5.2
Total: 23.808
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
They tried to make me go to rehab...
Today is the day that I write what I think. Honestly I know it's nothing impressive but I've had ample time lately (thanks to someone) to really get to know myself. For better or for worse. I've decided I want to try and improve my writing ability. because it's pretty lacking. and one way I see myself improving is just by doing it. and it'll hopefully act as some kind of therapy. because we all know that i need it. wow.
I have this fear that I will never get over the things I lost. I didn't even want what I had until it was gone. gone forever. I lost the comfort. I lost the feeling of sureness.
this blog is not going to be me ranting about what happened, it's done. This blog is going to be about what I'm going to do to 1. get over it 2. what I'm doing for myself 3. how I'm becoming a better person.
this is now my 11th day living in NYC and my 6th official day at work.
time just flys away.
and I'll i can do is count it.
I'm trying to live up this city, do everything I can, even if it's alone.
Things I've done thus far:
- mermaid parade
- pride parade
- dress-up party
- the whitest boys you'll ever meet
- barcade
- free screening of a woody allen film
good, a good solid list.
I have this fear that I will never get over the things I lost. I didn't even want what I had until it was gone. gone forever. I lost the comfort. I lost the feeling of sureness.
this blog is not going to be me ranting about what happened, it's done. This blog is going to be about what I'm going to do to 1. get over it 2. what I'm doing for myself 3. how I'm becoming a better person.
this is now my 11th day living in NYC and my 6th official day at work.
time just flys away.
and I'll i can do is count it.
I'm trying to live up this city, do everything I can, even if it's alone.
Things I've done thus far:
- mermaid parade
- pride parade
- dress-up party
- the whitest boys you'll ever meet
- barcade
- free screening of a woody allen film
good, a good solid list.
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